Chapter Twelve

I spent most of the day in bed.  I was in denial about Desiree and about what had just happened to me.  I called Jamie to let her know I was home safe, but that I wasn't going to be coming into work tonight.  She was upset, but she'll understand once I work up the courage to tell her what happened.  I let Kiarrah stay with my mom for the day.  She doesn't need to see me in this condition.  I am an emotional wreck and memories are beginning to play of the abuse I endured with Ronnie.

I had rented a car and driven to Pasadena California.  Darren, a guy I had met at club Rio with Nicky before her dad sent me to the shelter, had come to Las Vegas again with a group of his friends.  We had spent a few nights together the first time we met in Las Vegas and another weekend a few months later I flew to Cincinnati after I had made $12000 in one night for doing an all nighter with a high roller.  This was my third time seeing Darren and after the second night, his boys didn't want me around.  They knew what it was that I did and thought I was not good to have around.  Darren wanted me to stay, but was sharing a room with one of the other guys and had to respect their wishes.  He wanted to spend more time with me, but came with a group of guys and they wanted to stick together.  I was sent away.

With tears in my eyes and a broken heart, I decided to go see one of my regulars in Pasadena.  I was distraught.  I had a crush on Darren and enjoyed his company.  I hadn't gotten to the level of communication with him where I felt safe telling him what it was that I did in Vegas, which hurt him to find out the way he did.  Another secret that damaged another relationship.  I was speeding through the mountains carelessly.  I was crying and upset that I had caused Darren embarrassment and pain.

It was late and the road was winding through the mountains.  It was fairly cold and fog had flooded the highway, yet I didn't slow down.  If I drove off of a cliff I didn't care anymore.  I was tired of Ronnie destroying my life.  This is not who I wanted to be and escaping my reality seemed entirely impossible.  The facts were all to plain to see.  I was a whore and that label comes with a lot of ignorance and assumptions.  People would automatically assume that I was diseased or a cheater.  Men would think that I would be scantily clad when I was in public with them and bring too much attention and drama in their lives.  I was the type of girl you fucked, not the type to bring home to mom.  The label hurt more than the the bruises Ronnie would leave on me.  The ignorance scarred deeper than the words he would say that cut like knives in my heart.  

No one really knew me and that was a final straw for me.  I wanted to die.  It seemed the only way out of this situation and if it was here, on this highway, tonight, I was okay with that.  I got the car up to 100 miles an hour on this road that I should have been doing 50 on.  The car screeched as I hit corners.  The tears continued to pour down my face and I could barely see five feet in front of me.  I yelled out to God "take me now as I am, because I can no longer live this life!"  Suddenly, the engine shut down and the arm on the speedometer dropped below 50 like someone had stepped on the break.  As the car continued decelerating I shifted into neutral and attempted to restart the engine.  When that failed the second time, I looked up to see the tail end of a trailer truck through the fog.  I swerved to the right and stepped on the break.

I paused for a moment to catch my breath and a few minutes later the fog had cleared away.  I put the car in park and realized I was on the edge of a cliff.  I was relieved.  I came face to face with death and had a chance to actually die and I was glad to be alive.  "Very funny!  You just had to prove me wrong didn't you?"  God knew I wasn't really ready to leave the world and that I just needed out of the life I was being forced to live.

I spent a few days in Pasadena with a regular client who paid me just enough money to take back to Seattle with me.  I drove back to Vegas exhausted.  He had taken me all over Los Angeles and to Disney Land.  When I arrived back at my hotel Ronnie was asleep in my bed.  Part of me wanted to hit him over the head with my skillet and murder him, but the forgiving part of my nature took over and sat timidly on the couch waiting for the beating that was sure to come.  I laid out the money on the coffee table, hoping that would distract his anger.  I put $11,000 on the table thinking the extra couple of grand would subdue him.

When he woke and realized I was in the room I could feel his rage fill the room.  He remained silent.  There were no questions.  Just an evil glare straight into my eyes.  Like a submissive animal I looked down to the ground and waited for the money to cut his stare.  I didn't say anything to him and I was in shock that he hadn't begun questioning me yet.  Usually, he would have already been beating me, but he was still in the bed looking at me like he wasn't sure what he wanted to do to me.  I had started feeling more intimidated than usual because it was like his mind was running rabid with ideas of how he should torture me for not being there when he arrived.

"Make me some food."  "What do you want?"  "I don't give a fuck, just make me some food!"  "There isn't much here, should I go to the store?"  "No.  Make me something that is here."

I fixed him some eggs and turkey bacon with toast.  He sat and watched TV as I prepared the food for him.  When I brought him his plate he didn't even look at me.  He just took the plate from my hands and focused on the television.  I was so nervous about what was to come.  Ronnie had never behaved in this manner before and it made me think he was going to kill me.  When he was done eating he told me to clear his plate and do the dishes.  As I was standing in the kitchen doing the dishes, I kept looking over my shoulder to see where he was.  He realized what I was doing and had started mocking me and saying that he had me scared.  He was laughing to himself as if he enjoyed seeing me mentally tormented by what he may or may not do.  I think this was all part of his plan.  I stopped looking over my shoulder and felt a blow to the back of my head.

I woke up tied to all four corners of the bed.  I was naked, but under the covers.  I couldn't tell if Ronnie was in the room or not and I wasn't about to call out to him.  After hours of listening to the channel he had left on, I figured he was not in the room with me.  I don't know how many hours had passed since I was doing the dishes, but six shows had played while I was laying in the bed, so at least three hours had gone by since I woke up.  Eventually I fell back to sleep.  When I woke the next day, there was still no sign of Ronnie.  He must have intentions of leaving me here until the end of the week.  I didn't know anyone that would think to come look for me, so I would have to wait until the room attendants are given orders to clean the room because my rent hadn't been paid.

I had to go to the bathroom really bad, but I couldn't free myself.  I spent hours trying with no success.  I finally decided to call out to see if maybe he was in the room.  "Hello?"  I waited to see if there would be a response.  "I have to go to the bathroom.  Are you there?  Ronnie?  I have to pee!"  The pain in my bladder was immense and tears were falling from my face as I tried to hold it in.  Finally, I couldn't take it anymore and it all came pouring out of me.  All over the bed and sheets.  After an hour, the urine had started causing an itch underneath of me.  I shifted as much of my body to the left as I could, but it was just not far enough to get out of the wet spot in the bed.

I was hungry, thirsty, in pain and uncomfortable.  I had no idea how long Ronnie planned to leave me tied to the bed, unable to move, but I began wishing I had died on the cliff the other night.  I couldn't bare to leave my daughter with this man and I couldn't live my life like this anymore.  What if he had flown back to Seattle and left me there to die?  This would be a horrible death.  Definitely not the way I wanted to die.  I began shouting and screaming, hoping the neighbors would hear me and call the police for help, but let's face it, I'm in Nevada, no one calls the cops here!  I finally was able to fall asleep again, despite pissing on myself twice.  All the shouting, crying and yelling had caused me to get tired and sleeping was the only way I would be able to get rid of the nagging headache I had gotten from either being hungry or crying.

Ronnie was an evil prick.  I should have hit him over the head with the frying pan.  I should have tied his ass to the bed.  This had to be the coldest thing he had ever done to me, aside from taking our child as a hostage.  Three and a half days had gone by before I heard the keys in the door.  The room began smelling really bad from the urine in the bed and my mouth was white and pasty from dehydration.  I could barely speak, but I was grateful I hadn't defecated on the bed.  I tried calling out to whomever was trying to enter the room, but my voice was hoarse and the words barely made it past my lips.  I put my head back on the pillow and closed my eyes because my vision was blurry and making me dizzy.

When I realized water was being dropped in my mouth I opened my eyes to see who it was.  Ronnie was standing over me dipping a straw in a glass of water and clogging it and then putting the straw in my mouth.  "Get up you nasty bitch and shower."  Unfortunately, I had no energy to move.  Eventually Ronnie carried me to the bathroom and dropped me in the tub.  My head hit the back wall as he let my body flop.  He turned the water on and let the tub fill up with water.  He poured body wash into the running water to cleanse my body.  All I could think was the sarcastic thought of 'gee, how considerate' and if I could keep my eyes open I would have been cutting my eyes at him for what he did.

I lay in my bed crying and shaking off the memories.  I need some rest and I have got to pull myself together.  I couldn't believe he had found me.  I knew I needed to move and get out of the industry once and for all.  So I picked up my pen and note pad and began writing Desiree a letter.  I told her how concerned I was for her and that I knew about her addiction.  I let her know that I would be moving out and that if she wanted to keep the place she needed to start looking for a room mate.

Chapter Eleven

My apartment situation wasn't working out as I thought it would.  The manager was ignorant and always snooping around the house to see what I was doing inside.  I started suspecting that he was coming in when I was not home.  Of course, I didn't have evidence of the accusation and my only option was to move.  I called around to a few people to see if they had heard of any vacancies around town.  One conversation led me to an old friend named Desiree.  She had been looking for a room mate to share her place with because her old room mate bailed on her.  She was living in a three bedroom basement suite on the east side of Vancouver.  Everything was perfect except my only concern was how was I going to get Kiarrah to my mother when I needed to work.

I still had time to figure out the details of this possible resolution and so I went to see the suite and loved it.  It was cozy, had a back yard and the family living upstairs are the owners of the house and not in the least bit nosy.  After visiting on a few occasions I decided I was going to move in with Desiree.  The neighbors had a teenage daughter who offered to babysit, so traveling to my mother was no longer an issue... at least for the days that I was running late and didn't have time to travel back to Burnaby.

Desiree had a part time job in a pub, but she wasn't getting very many hours.  She was able to manage and make due financially, but was stressed because she wasn't making extra money.  I had already told her what I was doing long before I moved in with her, which I noticed had caught her attention when we spoke.  I didn't go into too much details because I wasn't really ready to share my experiences with people yet.  I was still insecure and nervous about where it was I had been and all the things I had done while I was there.  Despite growing comfortable with my life was currently, I was still somewhat apprehensive.

One day Desiree came home and asked if I knew someone she could buy some weed from because her dealer wasn't available.  I only knew of one person named Tony.  I made a few phone calls and got his number and asked if he could stop by.  Tony was the go to man in Vancouver.  He had the brand name clothing in his trunk and a concoction of narcotics available for those interested.  He charged a delivery fee, but Desiree was fine with that.  So, Tony came over and I introduced the two to one another.  "Desiree, Tony, Tony, Desiree.  She's looking for some weed and wants to know your prices.  I'm going to leave you two to deal with this and I'm going to be in my room with Kiarrah."

Their transaction was over and done within five minutes and Desiree knocked on my door to let me know that we could come out.  "Thanks for that connection.  He has great product."  "Yea, no problem."  "So, how is it that you know him?"  "Well, he used to come into the massage parlor to sell clothes to the girls, amongst other things, obviously!"  "What massage parlor is this?"  "A spot called Madam Cleo's on Richards."  "Is that where you worked before working for Jamie?"  "Yea.  Not a bad place, but definitely not the best either."  "Do you think I could make money there?"  "Yes, but trust me when I say it is not an industry you want to get into cause it is hard to get out of!"

Desiree had her mind made up, so instead of telling her not to do it and letting her go in without any knowledge, I taught her most everything I thought she would need to know, at least for Madam Cleo's.  Slowly but surely, Desiree was working there more than she was at the pub.  Tony was coming over frequently for what I assumed to be more weed transactions.  I was busy working, coming home late, sleeping most of the day, waking up with Kiarrah for breakfast and lunch.  I would bathe her and then send her to the neighbors and off to work at Jamie's condo I would go.  Jamie was getting upset with me because I was coming in late when I had to take Kiarrah to my mother's house.

"I'm not entirely sure what the issue is or why you're late, but I can't tolerate it.  If you're going to continue to be late, I'm going to have to fire you and find someone else whom I can rely on."  "It's just that my neighbor can't always watch my daughter and when she can't I have to take the bus all the way out to Burnaby and then back downtown."  "Why didn't you tell me that before?  I've been trying to sell my old car, but I just can't let it go because I don't want it to go to just anyone.  It was my first car and I love it dearly and I would actually sell it to you."  "How much are you selling it for?"  "I would sell it to you for a thousand."

Jamie walked away sulking, I could tell she didn't really want to sell her car, but wanted to help me since I was a friend who was also helping her.  She knew I would take care of the car and so she took me to see it and I loved it.  It was a 1987 Ford Thunderbird, custom paint, custom wheels, tinted windows, very sporty, yet luxurious at the same time.  I called and received a quote on insurance and decided it was a great idea.  Each pay period Jamie would deduct $250 for the money I owed her for the car.  It actually worked out really well for both of us.  I was never late and she got to see that I loved the car just as much as she did.

Desiree and I kept missing each other because she would come home after I had already left for work and by the time I came home she was sleeping.  In the morning, she would get up and let her dog outside, make her breakfast and leave and I wouldn't even hear her.  By the time I woke up, she was already long gone.  Majority of our communication was through hand-written letters slipped under each other's doors, mostly to ask if the other could grab something from the grocery store on their way home the next day.  We tried to make it a point to see one another over the weekend, but that too was dissipating over time.  I started noticing that the days that Desiree was home from work, she was keeping herself in her room with the door locked and the windows blocked.  She would stay in her room silently and I would assume she was sleeping and would leave her alone as I didn't want to disturb her.

Jamie and I had plans to go out on Saturday night, so I thought I would invite Desiree.  As our usually way of communication was slipping notes under the door, I wrote out an invitation and waited for my response.  'Hey Corey, I don't think I can make it out this week.  I'm tired and just wanted to stay in and relax.  I hope you and Jamie have fun.  Talk to you soon... XOXO  Des.'

Jamie and I went to a strip club called Brandy's and then we went to a club called Starfish.  When we were at Starfish, I saw Tony and walked over to him.  "Hey Tony, what's goin on?"  "Hey, how you doin?"  "I'm good.  I haven't seen you in a while, you don't stop by the house anymore?"  "Na, Des usually grabs all she needs from me when I hit the spa, she saves the delivery charge that way!"  "Oh yea, that makes sense."  "I'm a little worried about your girl though cause she's getting into other things over there, you know?  And it seems the habit has grown rapidly.  Watch your girl, she's a good girl and I don't want to see her get all fucked up, but I gotta make my money too and if she's buying, I'm selling."  "I'll keep my eyes on her.  Thanks."

If that didn't put a damper on the night, I don't know what would!  "Get over here you little bitch!  You thought you could get away from me?  I knew it would be a matter of time before I found your ass."  I had left the club without Jamie and was walking towards my car.  I wanted to go home and check on Desiree.  Tony had me worried and I had noticed that she was acting strangely lately, but I assumed it to be that we just had conflicting schedules.  It was Ronnie's voice, but he had put something over my head and had a knife in my back.  "You don't have Kiarrah anymore, I'm not afraid of you.  You better let me go right now!"  I heard him talking to someone else, "open the door dammit, hurry up!"  I kicked back into his shin and he just laughed, "it hasn't been that long has it Corey?  You forgot that I like it when you resist?"

I tried to free myself, but I couldn't.  He had me thrown into the back seat of a car and someone else was driving.  He pulled the  hood off my head and looked at me.  "My my, aren't we beautiful tonight.  Meet any men in there precious?"  I just rolled my eyes and looked at who it was that was driving.  It looked like Aaron, but I couldn't be sure.  "You smell like gin Corey, have you been drinking?"  "Would you get off of me and let me go before I make a scene!"  "Do what you like, you're not leaving until I'm finished with you."

They drove me to Stanley Park and parked the car not too far down from lookout point.  Ronnie told me to get out of the car.  The door on my side had the childproof lock on and the windows were power, so I had no choice but to get out on his side.  He grabbed me by my hair and threw me against the car.  "Go for a walk.  I'll call you when I'm done with her."  "aaight, hurry up though man.  I ain't tryin to be here all night!"  Ronnie slapped me in the face, "so you thought you could get away from me and never see me again huh?"  "You're an idiot, let me go!"  "Trust me, I will.  I don't need your sorry ass anymore, but you do have to suffer the consequences of your actions... do you know what I had to go through after I found out you were gone?"  "I really don't care."  "Ok, good, cause I don't want to talk about it!"

Ronnie began ripping my clothes off.  I tried to run, but he had a death grip in my hair.  He raped me again.  I offered to give him head and I had plans of biting his dick off, but it was all too obvious and he just kept pounding my body from behind while holding my hair.  When he was done he told me to put my clothes back on.  They were all ripped and torn.  I was imbarrassed and ashamed of what had just happened.  So many of the memories kept playing in my head and if I had any sort of weapon on me I would have definitely used it at that moment.  But I didn't have anything with me.  I was  partially exposed and bleeding at the lip.  My hair was a mess and I wanted to go home.  He opened the door to the car and I just stood there.  "Listen, you can stay here or we can drop you off, what would you prefer?"  Being that we were in the park after midnight, I took the ride back to the city.  They dumped at the same location they had grabbed me and at this time the streets were empty.  Everyone had already gone home or to an after hours spot by this time.  I went straight to my car making sure no one was looking.  The last thing I needed him to know was that I had a car, but also, the plate number is registered to my address and I didn't want him finding Kiarrah.

I drove straight home crying and speeding.  Once I got there I went straight for the shower and stood under the running water for over an hour.  I heard a knock on the door and instantly, I flashed back to the birthday beating Ronnie had given me last year.  My eyes opened with shock and I didn't answer.  My surroundings were not incorporated into my thought process and I didn't even realize I was at home far from where any of that had happened in the past.  I remained silent as Desiree knocked again.  "Corey, are you ok?"  Instantly a sigh of relief came out with a tremendous cry "Desiree, he raped me!"

She came in the bathroom.  "What happened?"  "Ronnie found me and raped me."  Nothing much was said after that.  I got out of the shower and we went to the living room.  She held me as I cried for most of the night.  When I woke up, she had left.  I thought maybe she was in her room so I knocked on her door.  There was no answer, I was going to walk away and write a note, but decided to open the door instead to make sure she wasn't home.  I turned back around and opened the door.  She was sitting on her bed in the dark snorting a line.  I quickly closed the door and shouted back "sorry, I wasn't sure if you were home or not."  Tony was right, she was getting worse and I felt responsible.

Chapter Ten

The flash backs were still occurring, but they were fewer and further between.  The initial shock of getting way was finally gone and I was starting to get used to the new life I had created in Vancouver for myself.  My daughter and I were safe, or so I thought.  Girls from the agency and massage parlor had begun talking about me to one another and amongst the pimps.  A lot of them knew who I was from when I bartended at Starship before all this had happened, so when they found out caught wind, it came as a surprise and shock.

One of the guys, Terry, saw me in the club when I was out with Jamie and decided to ask some questions.  I really didn't acknowledge him, nor did I give him the answers he wanted to hear.  I left him in limbo, but he was rather intelligent and pieced the information together in the end.  "Why are you playing games?"  "Honestly, my life is my business.  Do I question you?  Matter fact, have I ever?"  "So that's how it is now?  I see you have the attitude down pat.  Don't worry, someone is gonna catch you.  Me, I'm not that kind of guy.  You know this."  "Look, Terry, I'm not what you think nor is it what you think.  I answer phones and that's it.  Is that really anyone's business?  Get these punks off my back, cause I am a square girl and you know what we do, right?  We call cops!"  With a wink Terry got the hint and killed the few rumors that were being spread.

The battle was something similar to one that I had in Las Vegas with a notorious pimp named Lumps.  I was going to Ra, the nightclub in the Luxor hotel and casino, but he swore up and down that I was working.  He tried to talk to me, but I kept up the role of the ditsy tourist from Canada who was looking for her friends.  He followed me into the club and I went straight to the bar and ordered my Sapphire bombay and tonic with lime.  When the bartender told me the price I looked Lumps and said "if you're gonna follow me around like my man, you better act like him too."  That whole comment threw him off.  At that point he was convinced I was a tourist, but enjoyed my company.

We spent most of the night at Ra, then we went into the casino and started gambling.  Him and I became friends.  Eventually I told him the truth, but by this point he wasn't concerned with trying to make me his girl, instead, he drove me around Las Vegas.  One time he acquired this new girl from Minnesota who wasn't the brightest of the bunch and he asked me to train her.  I took her around with me.  I connected her with an agency that she could sign in with, but didn't have to run back and forth to do drops with, which would allow her a chance to walk the carpet and stay on call if she didn't get any fish to bite on the floor.  She really didn't have much of a clue on what was going on, but she was an easy sell for me; tall, skinny, blonde, blue eyes, complete with a decent shape.  Not only would Lumps give me money for training her, but tricks would give me money for referring them like an agency fee.

Sometimes I could do a double sell when I was with her and we would do the whole threesome thing.  That always made our job easier cause we would basically fool around with each other while the guy would handle himself watching us.  She was cute, but definitely not all there.  She would let me do all the talking and for a good reason.  Lumps would trip out on her if she didn't make enough money.

Him and I maintained a friendship throughout my duration in Las Vegas.  He stopped trying to get me to work for him because I had told him about my daughter and the situation with her father.  Occasionally, Lumps would pick me up from the airport and take me to the hotel, but usually I rented a car.  One time I had to return the car early because they were fully booked over the weekend and I could only have the car for two days.  Lumps followed me to drop off the car and waited for me to sign the vehicle out of my name.  It was around 4pm in the afternoon when we had arrived there.  We had plans to get something to eat after and then he was going to come to the hotel with me and wait till I was ready for work and drop me off on the strip.  Unfortunately, the exit at the rental car place had those guards that blew your tires out if the attendant didn't lower them.  Lumps waved at the guy and the guy waved back, but he had forgotten to lower the guards and all four tires were torn to shreds.

The attendant took responsibility for the incident and the company gave me a rental car for one night for free while they repaired his car, but we didn't end up getting out of the lot until 9pm.  It was too late to get anything to eat and he couldn't wait for me to get ready because he had to grab his girls and drop them off too.  So he dropped me off at the hotel room.  I went up the stairs and walked in the room to find Ronnie flipping through channels on the television.  "Where have you been?"  "I went to get my nails done, but they were busy, so I went to the mall.  I was bored and couldn't sleep."  "What time did you go to get your nails done Corey?"  "I believe I left here around 3 o'clock."

He hit me in the face and gave me a black eye.  I guess he knew I was lying.  Either that or he was just being a prick.  I fell over and hit my head on the table.  "How did you get home from the mall?"  "I was in a taxi."  He had his shoe pressed against my throat and on my chest.  I wrapped my arms around his leg in an attempt to get his foot off of me.  I did a quick spin and tried to hit the back of his knee so he would lose balance, but I missed and he kicked me in the ribs.  "I'm going to ask you again, how did you get home from the mall?"  "I told you I took a taxi."  "Since when do taxi drivers have unmarked Toyota corollas?"  I knew he was standing in the window, but I was going to play stupid.  I didn't have Lumps number in my phone, it was in my head.  I knew if he even tried to pull the same stunt with Lumps like he did with Tim, he would be dead and as much as I wanted him dead, I wanted my daughter alive more.

"I don't know what the fuck you're talking about Ronnie!  Get off of me before I scream!"  He bent over and grabbed my throat and raised me up.  After he slammed me against the wall he said "Oh princess, you wouldn't dare scream now would you?"  It was lights out for me.  I woke up to him on top of me grunting and sweaty.  My clothes were torn off and lights were left on so he could watch me come to consciousness.  I spat in his face and wrapped my right ankle around his left leg and pushed with my left arm.  I managed to get him off of me, but not enough.  Ronnie liked it when I fought back, it seemed to turn him on.  I was genuinely fighting to try and get him off, but he was stronger than me.  I knew it was better to just take it than resist, but tonight was one of the nights that I didn't want it.

My left eye was swollen and tender and it was hard for me to breathe because of the blow I took to my side.  As soon as he finished, I got up and took a hot shower.  I was in so much pain it hurt to cry, so I just sat in the shower for as long as I possibly could letting the hot water run down my body until he called.  "Corey.  Get out of the shower, I have a flight to catch."  "I'll be there in a sec."  I washed my hair as slow as I could, hoping he would just leave.  As I was putting the conditioner in my hair he came in the bathroom and opened the curtain "I said get out of the shower.  I have a flight to catch."  "I was washing my hair.  Let me rinse the conditioner, I'll be right there.  My sides hurt, so I can't rush."  "Hurry the fuck up and get out here."

I got out of the shower, wrapped my body with a towel and went into the living area of the room.  "Yes Ronnie?"  "I got you a gift, since it's your birthday and I probably won't be seeing you this week now that you can't work."  I looked at him carelessly.  "Look, if you don't want it I'll throw it away."  I took the card first and it was signed pimp forrest.  I looked at him unimpressed and said "gee thanks" sarcastically.  "Go ahead, open the gift."  I started unwrapping the box that was the size of a shoe box and inside was a framed photo of Kiarrah.  "I'm really not trippin off that guy that drives you around.  The beating was more to give you the next week off cause it's your birthday."

After Ronnie had left I called Lumps and told him what had just happened.  I grabbed some ice from my refrigerator and sat on the couch staring at the picture I had placed of Kiarrah on my coffee table that Ronnie had just given me.  He had done it all intentionally.  This asshole planned on coming out here, planned on giving me a beating and it wouldn't have mattered what for and all so I didn't have to go back to Seattle this week or bring him any money.  Which means I also don't get to see my daughter, so he brought me a photograph, a very beautiful photograph of my precious baby girl.  I missed her so much and couldn't stand to be without her.  I kept praying for an answer and a way out.

After Lumps dropped off his girls he came straight over to see me.  "Are you o... damn girl, look what that nigga did to your eye!  You look like you just lost a fight with Tyson.  I mean, I scare my girls, but I ain't neva done no shit like that!"  "What can I say, Ronnie goes all out for birthday gifts.  He thinks them through long and hard.  He even brought me a picture of my daughter cause he knew I wasn't going to get to see her after he beat me."  "Here, you gotta put some pressure on it."  "Awwww Lumpy bear, are you gettin a soft spot for lil ol' me?"  "Girl, you know if it was a different time and a different place it would be you and me against the world!"  Lumps and I laughed and watched a movie before he had to head out and do his round ups.

After Lumps left, I decided I was going to watch a movie on T.V. Unfortunately, I missed most of the movie thinking about how Ronnie actually came out to Vegas for a few hours so he could beat me as a birthday gift.  I guess he needed a reason to give me a week off from work so I didn't have to fly to Seattle.  He couldn't just give it to me... that would have been much too simple for his complex mind.  His sick and twisted brain needed an excuse.

Chapter Nine

It had been one of those days.  Things just weren't going as I thought they would.  Everything was going wrong and I just wanted to scream.  I thought I would feel better if I had some cheesecake, so I treated myself to a piece of cake from the Bread Garden on Robson Street.  As I was walking out I thought I saw a familiar face.  As I got closer, with my cheesecake to go, I realized it was Jamie.

"Jamie?"  "Oh hey girl!  How are you?"  "I'm okay, same ol, you know how that goes!  How are you?"  "Great actually.  Are you back in town or just visiting?"  "Well, I managed to get my daughter away from Ronnie and I've been home for about a month now.  I just got my own place and I've been working at Cleo's on Richards."  "Ewwwwe, why didn't you call me bitch?"  "I left unprepared, so I didn't have a chance to grab anything."  "Here, take my number.  You know I own an agency here, I could get you working with better clients and higher pay than that shit hole."

I took her number and we went our separate ways.  As I got on the train, I started thinking about the last time I had seen Jamie.  It was the one day there was snow in Vegas.  It didn't last long, but it was there.  "Oh my God!  There is snow on the ground!"  "Corey, get back to bed, you're drunk!"

The night before was a mess.  Her and I had gone to the Drink nightclub with a friend of hers who was visiting from California.  We met him at his hotel room and had a few drinks before we went out.  "Hi, I'm Derrick."  "Hi Derrick, Corey."  "You enjoying Vegas?"  "Probably not as much as you are!"

When we arrived at the Drink, we went right passed the line and into the club.  We made a bee line straight to the bar and started ordering drinks.  Within the hour, Jamie and I were up on the bar selling hooter shooters.  "Five dollars a shot boys, but you have to buy the shot first!"  The line went on and on.  We both left the club with a few hundred dollars just for doing hooter shooters.  On the way home, Derrick stopped at an adult toy store and Jamie and him picked out a few items.  I was drunk and passed out in the back of the car so I had no idea what they bought.  At the hotel, Derrick had to carry me through the lobby and to the elevator.  "It's a good thing you got a room with two beds."  Jamie and Derrick went buck wild in the bed next to me and I didn't hear a thing.  They let me watch the video the next day and I couldn't believe I was able to sleep through all that noise.

Jamie and I had spent a lot of time partying together.  More time partying than working, though partying was working for her.  She always managed to turn fun into a financially rewarding situation.  I had decided I was going to call her later that evening and find out where her business operated from.  Maybe it would be better for me to work for her than at the massage parlor.  I was still displeased about working in the industry now that I was free, but I had no other work experience and had to make sure I had rent for next month.

My mom had just moved back to Vancouver from Vernon, so she was taking care of Kiarrah for me when I was going to work.  They rented a basement suite close to where I was living so they could be close to us.  Before that, my friends were taking turns on who had Kiarrah.  One was Shannon and the other was Nico, a girl I had just met through an old friend named Paul.  He had begun dating her while I was gone.  She was a pretty little Philipina girl who was five months pregnant. The first time I went to his house after returning from Las Vegas, I paraded through his front door with my daughter saying 'go see daddy' jokingly, not realizing she was in the house.

There were three of them, all sitting in the living room as I walked in like I owned the place.  Nico, his friend Leroy and him.  Paul and Leroy had already been bugging Nico by telling her that another one of his baby mother's was coming over so he could spend time with his daughter.  I didn't know that any of this was happening prior to my arrival, but my joke perpetuated their joke and I could hear the guys laughing once I finished my statement.  Nico was not in the least bit impressed and went to the bedroom to hide.  After we had cleared up the joke and she realized I was just a friend, Nico and I became close.  She would look after Kiarrah for me when I needed to run errands and Paul would drive me around.  He loaned me a big part of the money I needed to get my identification and helped me find the apartment I had rented.

"Hey girl, are you busy?"  "No, actually, I was just thinking of you and wondering when you were gonna call.  Can you come down and meet me tonight.  I think I have a position open for you to work immediately on the phones instead of on calls.  The pay is just as good, but don't tell the girls that."  "I'm not sure, I have to call my sitter and see if she's available.  I just picked my daughter up from my moms house and I don't want to take her back over there."  "Ok, call me back as soon as you know."

Nico didn't answer her phone.  I tried again an hour later and got the voice mail, but I didn't leave a message.  I called Jamie back to let her know I didn't have anyone to watch Kiarrah, so we made arrangements to meet after I was done work the next day.  When I dropped Kiarrah off with my mom, I let her know that I was going to be working late and that I had an interview afterwards for another job.  She seemed frustrated, but waved me off saying whatever Corey.

Work was fairly typical except that I had sat down with Danielle to read her palm.  I let her know what was about to happen before I engaged in telling her anything.  "First, I will go into your past and tell you things you know so you believe me.  Then I will tell you about your situation now and after that, I will tell you what you need to do to create a better future for yourself."  "Ok."

As I reached out and grabbed Danielle's hand, I sensed a deep pain.  I closed my eyes and walked down the hallways of her memories as if they were my own.  I found a door that was painted red and decided to open it.  What I found behind the door terrified me.  I began telling her everything I could see, in the room and described the man that I saw.  Quickly I opened my eyes and looked at her and said "I'm so sorry you had to go through that!"  Danielle had tears building up, but maintained her composure.  "Do you want me to continue?"  "Yes."  I continued walking through the hallway.  I was looking for things that were more recent and less painful.  I had found another door that was left ajar and I decided to go through there, because I felt that was a part of her life that needed to be healed.

I was in the same room and everything was identical.  I was telling her that the bed was in the same place, the dresser, the clothes were in the same pile, but the man was different this time.  I told her what he looked like and then I told her what he is doing.  I watched as this memory played like a movie and I began crying compulsively.  Before I knew it, Danielle had let go of my hands and I was curled up on the floor.  Some how, she had transfered her emotions onto me.  Once I had settled down from the experience, I found that I was in state of shock.  Danielle walked over to me with a cup of water.  "I'm sorry.  I have been in denial for years about what has happened to me and what is happening to me.  I have never told anyone what my father did or what my boyfriend does and when you started telling me things I have never shared with anyone I panicked.  I'm sorry."

I left work that day with no intentions of ever coming back.  I met up with Jamie, who had a condo not too far from where I was.  We went to Starbucks for beverages.  She had a soy latte and I had a green tea.  A lot of the first couple of hours was spent talking about the position she had available.  "Jasmine has been stealing from the girls and double charging them.  I can't have that in my business.  I need my girls to trust me and trust my operator."  "Ok, so what exactly is it that you want me to do?"  "You're going to be answering the calls, booking appointments and sending the girls to these addresses.  You will check them out at the appropriate times and take the money from them once they return."  "Sounds fairly straight forward."  "It is, but Jasmine was screwing with the girls money and my money, so she could make more money and really, she has a good income as a phone operator.  Not only that, the girls frequently tip well on top of the wage that I pay her.  But it is time for her to go and if you want the job, you can have it, starting tonight or tomorrow night."  "I can't tonight.  I was already at work all day and I need to get home and spend some time with my daughter."  "Ok, tomorrow it is."

Jamie and I sat and reminisced for another hour, laughing and shaking our heads at all the crazy shit we did.  She reminded me of the guys we had taken to sushi with us at San Remo.  "I told him that the wasabi was Japanese ice cream and he believed me and ate a big scoop of it."  "He nearly fell off his chair with his mouth on fire and all the sushi chefs were laughing hysterically .  I remember that!"  "We definitely had some great times together.  I still have the scar on my left arm from when I had to carry you up to the room cause you were too drunk to walk.  When I nearly slipped you grabbed my arm cause you thought I was going to throw you over the edge of the staircase and that idiot sat in his car watching us fumble up the stairs instead of helping us."  "Well, you have to admit Corey, watching us try to do it was extremely entertaining."

It was getting late and time for Jamie and I to say our goodbyes for the evening.  She had to go do her calls since Jasmine was fired and I had to pick up my daughter and put her to bed.  I arrived at my mothers house around 9:00pm to find that she had a huge meal prepared for me.  It was the first proper meal I had had since returning to Vancouver.  I could smell the roast as I walked down the lane to her house.  When I walked in the aroma made my mouth water.  There was a beef roast, mashed potatoes, carrots and yorkshire pudding with gravy.

As I sat down to eat, I told my mom that I had been offered a new job and was asked to start tomorrow.  She wanted to know about my old job, because she thought I was working in a restaurant downtown.  I told her the money isn't good and the job was not secure.  "They don't even have me on the schedule next week.  I'll go in and do my shift tomorrow, but I will be quitting and working at this other job full time."  "So is Kiarrah going to be with me at nights now?"  "Yes mom."  Larry, my step-dad, walked in the door.  "Hey stranger.  I don't get to see you very often."  "I know, my mom tempted me with a beef roast.  I tried to save you some, but I was real hungry."  "There better be some here for me!"  "Can you give us a ride home after you're done eating?"  "Sure."

I sang Kiarrah to sleep after giving her a bath.  We cuddled for a few minutes before I felt her slip deep into dream land.  I gently kissed her on the cheek and went to the bathroom to shower and get myself ready for bed.  Today was a good day.

Chapter Eight

I had walked away from a world of glamor and glitz.  While the circumstances in Las Vegas were not fundamentally the best and went against everything I believed in, the good life back home was looking more and more grim.  The budget on welfare for an apartment basically left me looking at rooms in a boarding house.  Most of the places were run down, had crack heads living in the rooms next door and cockroaches roaming free like they paid rent to be there.  Each place I viewed made my life with Ronnie look great.  Sure I had to sustain a few beatings, but at least I could stay in a decent hotel and eat whatever I wanted.  The work was definitely easier than chasing official documents that were hard to attain so I could qualify for income assistance and the pay, even though I never had the opportunity to enjoy it, was so much better.

"How much is an hour Iris?"  "Well, it is your birthday right?  I suppose I can give you the birthday special... $800 an hour.  I usually charge a thousand or more per hour for what you want."

I used to make a thousand dollars an hour and now I am settling for under six hundred dollars for an entire month and left to rent run down shacks.  I used to eat in the finest restaurants and now it is looking like my daughter and I are going to live on Kraft dinner and Mr. Noodles.  After I pay the four hundred dollars these horrible places want for rent each month, I will be left with nothing to buy food.

I had begun doubting my decision to leave Ronnie and Las Vegas.  I had started feeling like we were better off where we were.  All the fighting and struggling for nothing.  I escaped one bad situation and walked right into another one and this one seemed far worse than the first.  I had already been back in Vancouver for almost a month and had absolutely nothing to show.  We still had no clothes, no money and no home.  We were still sleeping on Shannon's couch and I had finally borrowed enough money to get my identification replaced.

Finally, I had enough of being broke and started working in a massage parlor called Madame Cleo's.  The prices were ridiculously low, compared to that which I was used to earning, but it was an income - one that would get me off of Shannon's couch and into a proper home.  Within two weeks I had earned what I needed for a deposit and first months rent.  The second two weeks I earned enough to buy some furniture for the apartment.  I didn't make the money as fast as I would have if I was in Las Vegas, but at least I was getting on my feet.  I was not proud of the fact that I had taken a few steps back to get ahead, but I knew I didn't have much of a choice at this time.  My options were limited and time was of the essence.

"You need to get out of the hotel and get an apartment if you're going to be here all the time."  Tim thought it was ridiculous that I was paying so much for a hotel room each month.  He wanted me to move in with him, but I knew that living with him would  be a really bad idea because Ronnie was liable to pop up at any given moment.  I met Tim at the MGM after working, during my breakfast.  Him and his friend were coming out of the club and heading towards valet when they saw me sitting alone at my table.  "I need to know you."  "Well, I don't want to know you."  I turned my back on him and he persisted.  He handed me his phone number and walked away.  I took the piece of paper he had written his number on and crumpled it up with my napkin and put it on my plate that I had now set to the side for the server to take.

"Why are you throwing my number away sweetheart?"  "Cause I have no intentions of ever using it.  Why are you bothering me?  Can you please leave me alone?"  Tim sat himself down across from me at my table.  The server came and took the plate, dropped the bill and asked Tim if she could get him anything.  "No thanks."  He was staring intensely into my eyes and it caused a deep discomfort, like he was reading my soul.  I went to grab my bill so I could pay it and leave, but Tim took it and threw money into the billfold without taking his eyes off of me.  "How do you know that you put enough?"  "I saw what you were eating, if your bill is more than that then this place is ripping you off and you should eat at my favorite place down the street from now on."  "And where exactly is that?"  "My house of course!"  "Of course... your house."  "My chef is the best chef in all of Las Vegas."  "Now you have a chef, huh?"  "I have had a chef for six years, actually."  "Well, I'm sorry, what is your name?"  "Tim."  "Well Tim, it's been a slice, but I have to go."

I got up and walked away from the table and out of the restaurant.  Tim followed.  As I turned the corner I saw the man that was with him when he handed me his number standing with a few other guys.  They all looked like they were part of a secret service.  Tim grabbed my hand and said "slow down babygirl, what's the rush?"  "Listen, Tim, don't grab me, first of all.  Second, I'm in a rush to go home and get some sleep.  It's late and I'm tired.  And by the looks of their postures, so are your body guards."  "I am not worried about them.  They are doing what I pay them to do.  I want you to come with me."  "That's fabulous, now can you let me go so I can go home?"  Tim let go of my arm and I walked towards the main entrance of the hotel through the casino and asked the valet to get me a cab.  Tim handed the same valet his parking tickets.  A cab never came, but two black Escalades with tinted windows and a green Mercedes 600 did.  Tim opened the passenger door on the Mercedes and waved his hand for me to get in.  I hesitated, but then I obliged.

I had no idea who this man was and he didn't even know my name.  That didn't seem to matter to him.  He was rambling on about what it was that he did and I have to admit, I was bored out of my mind.  It seemed as if he thought all his riches and all his fame were going to win me over and make me his girl.  I was slightly annoyed.  "Where are you taking me?  I live that way."  "Relax doll, we're going to my house.  You're safe, don't worry.  I don't want anything from you at all.  I got everything I need."  He headed west towards the highway and went north.  We were by the lake.  He entered a gated community and that was when I noticed the two trucks were still behind us.  The garage to one of the houses opened and Tim pulled in.  There was several other cars in the drive way and the house was huge.  He came around the car and opened the door for me.  "Come on baby, it's alright."

I watched the garage door go down and the guys that were in the trucks behind us went to the house to the left.  I took Tim's hand and stepped out of the car and followed him into the house.  He could see that I was frustrated and told me I needed to calm my nerves.  He offered a drink, but I wasn't about to take anything from him.  We walked through the foyer into a dinning area.  His kitchen had a swim up bar and movie theater.  The pool extended outward into the better part of the back yard.  The entire back wall was all glass and over looked the lake.  "Do you want to see the rest of the house?"  I suppose he could see that I was enthralled with what I was seeing.  "Come on, let me show you."  I could see his ego growing as he grabbed my hand and led me through the living room to a projection room with movie theater type seating.  "It's hard for me to go out in public, so sometimes I get movies brought here for me."  Next, we were in the basement and he had an entire wine refrigerator and storage down there.  Wines from all over the world, some labels were in other languages.  He had a french bottle dated 1910 and I was impressed.  "Oh, you like that one?  You want to pop it?"  "No, it's alright!"

He drug me back upstairs, through the living area and back to the foyer to the stairs that led upstairs.  Quickly he stopped and turned around... "first I want to show you this!"  He opened a door to a study.  The entire room was done in mahogany, the desk, the tables, the stools, the book shelves, all mahogany.  The paint was between a forest and emerald green.  He had paintings of scenery all around the room.  The drapes were a Bordeaux colored velvet.  He had one of those psychiatrist couches off to the side, it too was mahogany, but had the same wine color leather cushioned on for comfort.  The chair behind the desks was like something you would have seen in a movie and the only thing missing was Al Pacino.  "Beautiful, isn't it?  I had this room done myself.  Every other room I had designers do, but this room, I picked everything and placed it."

Beside the couch was a door and behind it was a mirror.  At first, I didn't think anything of it, but he opened the door and on the other side was a recording studio.  It was then that I realized there were speakers in the study.  His desk opened up and had all the electronics for recording songs.  It was beautiful and really well thought out.  Tim managed to impress me again.

He walked me out of the room, turned the lights off and directed me up the stairs.  There were two master bedrooms and four other rooms, all complete with their own bathrooms and walk in closets.  The master bedrooms had king size beds, while the other four had queens.  Each had it's own distinct appearance from the other, but all were very commercial.  They all looked like they were pictured in a catalogue for some furnishings company.  They weren't that interesting to me, but when I saw the bathroom attached to his room I felt like I had died and gone to heaven.  He had the biggest tub I had ever seen and it was complete with jets.  I wanted to climb in and load it with bubbles.

"I need to go."  "You just got here."  "I know, but I shouldn't have come."  "I can take you away from that life.  You don't have to live like that.  You can live here with me"  I chuckled and walked down the stairs to the garage entrance as I was putting on my shoes I turned to him and said "We just met and you know nothing about me.  You don't even know my name.  Can you take me home?"

Tim grabbed his jacket and slipped on his shoes.  As he opened the door to the garage I could sense that he was disappointed.  He opened my door and let me sit down and went around the car and got in.  He waited for the garage door to open before starting the engine and looked at me and said, "I don't need to know what this world has done to you or what it calls you.  All I need to know is the way you make me feel when I'm around you.  If you need time to feel it for yourself then I will give you that time, but don't shut me out."  When we got to the hotel, he walked me to my door and left.  I thought it would be the last time I saw him, but it wasn't.

Tim and I spent several nights doing many things.  We would go to his house and his chef would cook for us.  I spent many days lounging in his pool.  He would walk over and bring me drinks and fruit plates.  One time he jumped in the pool with all his cloths on and forgot that his keys and phone were in his pocket.  We spent the rest of the day at the mall trying to get him a new phone, but he ended up buying me some clothes.  Tim was good to me and he never even tried to get sleep with me.  A few times in public girls would stop him for an autograph, but he wasn't that big of a celebrity and we were able to avoid daily interruptions.

"I want you to have this."  "Tim, I can't take this.  You're crazy!"  "Seriously, I want you to have it and we will try to get your license into a Nevada state driver's license so we can put the car in your name."  "Tim, you have lost your mind!"  "Baby, you keep wasting money on these shitty ass rentals and you are too beautiful to be driving around in Corollas.  You belong in this car girl, stop playing.  You know you want it!"  And I did, but I didn't want the title that came along with taking his car or the responsibilities.  Thus far, we had maintained a friendship level type relationship and if I took his car, I automatically assumed he was trying to take the relationship to another level... a level I couldn't go.

"Who the fuck is this?"  "Nigga, you dialin my number, who the fuck is this?"  "This is Ronnie.  Are you fuckin my bitch?"  "I don't know no bitches dawg."  "Well, if you been dealin with Corey, you been fuckin my baby mom and I suggest you step the fuck back."

Ronnie showed up in Vegas without warning.  He found Tim's number in my phone and threatened him while I was in the shower.  "Who the fuck is Tim?"  "He's a trick Ronnie.  I really hope you didn't just fuck up the money!"

I don't know what happened.  I woke up to someone knocking on the door and my eye was swollen.  Ronnie was gone and I was afraid to answer the door cause I thought it was him or the police.  "Corey, open the door, I know you're in there!"  It was Tim.  I wrapped my towel around me again and opened the door.  "Hey."  "Don't hey me, give me the keys to my car."  I looked over his shoulder and the car was already gone.  "Let me explain..."  "I don't want to hear your bullshit, go back to your life.  You're obviously happy there.  Can I have my keys please?"

I watched as he drove away.  I wish I had told Tim what Ronnie had put me through.  I wish I had been honest.  Maybe he could have gotten my daughter for me and we would be happy together.  Maybe.  I know I wouldn't be going through all this bullshit of working in a parlor in Vancouver.  Things would probably be a lot different, wouldn't they?  How could I have been so foolish?

Chapter Seven

The hostel that I had stayed in was for homeless people.  They gave you a mat for the floor and a sheet to sleep with.  It was very uncomfortable and you always had to sleep with one eye open just in case.  I had stayed there for longer than I had wanted to and heard that Nicky and her father already made it home.  She had given him all the inheritance she had left in her account so he could open a business and disappeared without a trace.  I guess he just wanted to get rid of me so I couldn't talk sense into her.  The flight was quiet and I managed to finally get some rest.

When I landed in Vancouver, Laura picked me up and dropped me off at Julie's house.  Julie was my childhood big sister whom I had managed to stay in touch with.  They took me in until I was able to get some form of income.  I went to as many doctor's as I could to ensure the health of the baby despite taking birth control and the morning after pill.  "Everything seems normal Corey.  I don't think you have anything to worry about, but we are going to ask that you come in once a week for the next few weeks so we can monitor the baby's growth and development and to be safe."

"Here you go Kiarrah..."  I had made her some macaroni and cheese.  Shannon didn't have much food in her house and I really didn't want to take advantage of her kindness.  I got on the phone and called a few more people trying to find money to get back to Vegas.  I was losing hope and began feeling that it was best that I just forget about it.  Our freedom was worth so much more than the money that was in Vegas, but it would have been a great way to start a new life with my daughter.  As Kiarrah ate I sat and watched.  She looked so innocent, so untouched by the troubles we had endured.  I wish I could say the same for me.

I could still see the faces to some of the men, the scents, their voices and as I tried my hardest to push these memories out of my head, I would fall back into reliving them.  One that played over and over was the lawyer who was married.  His wife, whom he loved dearly, would never satisfy one of his desires which had at this point overtaken him to the point where I was standing in his room.  He had called the escort service I worked for and as he handed me the money, palms sweaty and nerves shaking, I knew this was the first time he had done this and didn't even really want to do it.  He felt the need to apologize every few seconds and explain himself.  "I wish my wife would just do it one time.  We have been together since high school and she's never done anything like that.  I have asked her several times, but she just won't give me head.  I just want to try it once... that's it.  That's not a lot to ask, is it?"  I reassured him that it wasn't.

I actually felt bad for him.  He was an attractive man, in a nerdy kind of way.  He seemed to really love his wife and was very torn between his fantasy and his life with her.  I guess his friends coerced him into making the decision to involve himself in a no strings attached kind of situation with an escort.  He came across as if it had taken him years to finally commit to seeking out his desires.  As I priced out what he wanted on top of the agency fee, I saw him tremble.  I explained that the agency fee only includes a twenty minute massage and anything above and beyond that has a fee and that most of the girls won't even stay for the agency fee.  They will just take it and leave once they know the client has no extra money for them to make.  Ashamed of himself, he reached into the hotel safe and pulled out the money I had asked for.

I told him to relax, get in the shower and make sure it is as warm as he can tolerate so he can calm down.  He did so and I prepared myself.  When he came out of the shower wearing only a towel I sat him on the bed and I was on my knees at the end.  I told him to lay back.  As I rolled the condom on him he ejaculated.  The excitement from finally having his fantasy fulfilled took him to another level without even experiencing that which he wanted most.  He spent the next half hour trying to get another erection without success.  I told him that he was going to have to give me more money if he wanted me to stay any longer and that I would help him, but I can't stay for free.  Full of disappointment, he let me go as he was uncertain as to whether he would be able to get hard enough.

As Shannon walked through the door I was shook from the startle.  I was lost in a daze and didn't hear her unlock the door.  Kiarrah was asleep with her head on my lap.  The house was still and silent.  I was wearing the same cloths I had on when she had left for work.  "Corey, are you ok?"  "Yes."  "Is there anything I can do for you?"  "Not unless you can lend me $500.00 for twenty-four hours and watch Kiarrah while I go do something really quick."  "If I had it to lend you, you know I would."  "I know."

She continued asking more questions about what had happened and how I showed up at her door.  Each question was loaded with a memory from the past I had just escaped.  There was no simple answers to give her without lying which made it almost impossible for me to tell the whole story, especially with Kiarrah right there in my lap.  She didn't need to know what had happened, at least, not yet.  She is too young and wouldn't fully understand anyways.

My time was up.  Most certainly they were cleaning out my room by now since I hadn't been there to pay my rent.  Today was the day that one of those ladies won the lottery and as much as I knew it should have been me, I also knew that everything happens for a reason.  We were safe, we were alive and we had another shot at building a life together... a life which her father was not ever going to be a part of.

I still had to figure out what I was going to do with myself and how I was going to provide for Kiarrah.  The only thing I could think of was getting social assistance.  Unfortunately, I had no identification for me or for Kiarrah, so it was like I was starting life all over again from scratch.  I had to replace our birth certificates, medical cards, my drivers license and social insurance card before I could apply for welfare, which put me in a pretty bad position.  I had no money to pay the replacement fees and I needed the identification to get money.

"Let's go to the Belagio tonight.  The awards show is tonight and guaranteed someone is going to be there.  Let's see if we can catch us a superstar!"  Jamie was hot to trot and ready to roll out.  We caught a taxi to Bally's and walked over to the Belagio.  I could smell the money like home baked cookies intoxicating the air.  Every turn of the head was into the face of one celebrity or another.  "Look, it's Brian McKnight... go say hello!"  "Do I ever cross your mind, anytime?"  My off-key notes made him chuckle and broke the ice for a conversation.  As we sat at the slot machines talking about why I was doing what I do, Jamie ran over to a table opposite of where I was standing.  I could see her standing over a big black guy, cheering the wins.  "I am doing this to pay my way through college.  I come here during my breaks and make whatever money I can and then go back to school.  I'm only here this week because of the music awards show.  There's a lot of money to be made right now and I have a huge tuition to pay."

Brian handled me a small stack of cash and told me that he wasn't going to disgrace me, but he was going to support my endeavors and went up to his room.  I joined Jamie, who was standing over Jay-Z.  "Rub my shoulder for good luck ma!"  Jamie put her hand on his  shoulder and he bust.  "Don't ever do that again!"  She took his hand off his shoulder and the dealer was dealing out the next hand.  Jay Z, also known as Sean Carter, was rocking in his chair completely intoxicated.  He orders the dealer to slow down because he can't see the cards and the dealer snarls back "open your eyes... sir" and as he opened one and looked at his hand, he says "hit me!"  The dealer, clearly annoyed with how drunk he was, says "Sir, you had a black jack and I have already paid you out."  Jay Z rubs his chin and responds "I'll stay."

Shortly after that hand there was at least fifteen of us up in the pent house suite of the Belagio.  We were all drinking and dancing around the room.  Out of the corner of my eye I see Jamie go in the back room with Jay Z and I stayed in the living area as everyone dispersed in different areas of the room with one or two women.  I found a watch, a chain and a stack of money in the kitchen area and quickly put it in my purse.  I went to the women's restroom downstairs in the casino and hid it underneath a trash bag.  I waited for Jamie to come down at the bar and ordered drinks for everyone and charged it to their room.

Just charge it... I wish I could do that now so I could get the documents I need so I can get welfare.  All this work for $525.00 a month.  It seemed so pointless.  I knew I could make more than that in an hour in Vegas.  I knew that if I could just get one trip out there that me and Kiarrah could get an apartment, furnish it and have nothing to worry about for a few months.  I was slowly going backwards, sinking into the trap that life offers and I had to get away from it and find another solution.